Lost Touch

Sometimes we lose touch with the things we once held dear to our hearts. This post will not consist of some sappy story, but I believe that I have lost touch with aspects of life. Let me explain...

I was at a friend's house today and I picked up an old book that I had not read in awhile. The book consists of some deep and insightful truths about life, spirituality, and love. Holding the book in my hand reminded me of how inspired I felt about life when I use to read those chapters. I wanted to live differently because of these stories and truths. The book was My Utmost for His Highest. Sometimes the book can be over your head, but other times the truths are simple and relevant. I love contemplating God and life and how they interact. These thoughts cause me to dream, wonder, and change.

I love to read, because it is like you are listening to another persons thoughts and imagination. I've always wished that I could be better at putting my thoughts into words. I always feel like I fail to truly articulate exactly what I am feeling. I read a book by the pool this weekend by Hemingway, and it was so nice to get caught up in a story, forget about my own reality, but at the same time compare that story with my life.

My point is that I feel like I have let some of those passions die for a bit in order to focus on other priorities. My passion for life is the people that I interact with from day to day. I love sharing life with others, and I want to continue to connect my life with people. I have lost touch with the reality of God, life, and people and how beautifully they interact with each other, but I am sensing a bond beginning to grow again.

Thanks for listening. Please share.

Im a Kid Again

One of my many things that I put on my list to do this year was fix my bike. It has been rotting away on my front porch since we got married. Spiders made it their home with cob webs throughout the spokes. Birds frequently use the handle bars to perch and poop. Ashley got a new bike last week, and named it Ruby, so that inspired me to fix up mine. It makes so much more sense to take your bike to the beach than your car. You never have to worry about parking, and you are more mobile around town. After work yesterday I started calling around to price out how much it would be to fix. Got some $60 and $50 offers for new tires, new tube, an inner lining, and they said it could be fixed by next week. I decided to wait until this morning to check out a local shop and I am glad I did. I walked my crusty bike into the shop and was out of there in 20 minutes with new tires and tubes. Tires were $12 and tubes were $4.50. Ashley and I road our bikes to the beach, to lunch at Pizza Port, to a friends house, and then back home. Bikes give you this weird sense of freedom, and make you feel like a kid again. :) I decided that I want to ride more often, and now I can. There are so many benefits to riding bikes. Save money on gas, no pollution for the air, and it is good exercise.

I know you all probably have a bike somewhere in the garage or in your backyard. I encourage you to pull it out and take it for a spin. Ride it to the grocery store, or around the block. I need some help coming up with a name for my bike. Like I mentioned before Ashley's bike is the Schwinn pictured above named Ruby. Mine is an old Shogun road bike with a lot of history connected to it. Anyways, thanks for stopping by, and I look forward to completing many more items on my list for 2010.

The Newly Weds Trip to the Beach

Over the weekend Ashley and I spent some much needed time at the beach. I usually do not mind going with ashley and doing what the girls call "Laying Out". I usually bring a book and my ipod to pass the time. This weekend we stayed for 3 hours!!!! I read a few chapters and listened to some music for awhile, but that was all the "laying out" I could handle. I walked around for awhile, went from one end of the beach to the other. I come back and ashley has yet to move. How do women sit still for so long? They could lay there forever. I told ashley that we needed to have some sort of activity that we played during these "laying out" sessions. I saw some couples playing volleyball, frisbee, and paddle ball. I think I will convince her to try paddle ball or whatever its called. I am a guy and I need some form of sport to play or game to keep my interest levels high. So what about you all, any other people out there experience this? I understand you all do not have access to the beach, but I am sure you have similar experiences.

The Balancing Act

In one week I will be starting a new position within the University that I work for. There has been a lot that I have learned about myself and my career throughout this transition. The first thing I learned is I hate interviewing. It is weird for me. You have to basically go into a room and brag about yourself for a half an hour. I am not a bragging type of person, and I feel uncomfortable doing it. In an interview you have to brag though, because they need to know why they should hire you.

Through this transition of jobs I have learned a lot about career choices. I tend to become content with my job once I have learned my responsibilities and I know I perform them well. I was hesitant to take this position at first, but I received a nudge. Change is good and it keeps you learning and growing. This new position will keep me growing and developing. I will be challenged again and start to develop new skills. I encourage all of you out there to take a risk and try something new if it is available to you. It might be different at first, but if it is a good development opportunity, then go for it. (Thank you Ashley for pushing me :) )

I try to remember to keep my life in perspective and not allow my career to take over. I tend to go through phases where I can get obsessed with certain things in life, and put too much emphasis on them. I should care about my job and I should do it well, but that does not mean that it should consume me. I am learning to find a balance between career development and my big picture perspective on life. My career should not dictate my life.

So I ask you? What risks or big changes have you made that you have learned from? Was it hard or relatively easy? How do you balance your career with the rest of your life?

Lately...

April has been a crazy month. At the end of March we went on a great trip to see my sister and brother in law as well as my nieces and nephew. We had such a great time with them. Another surprise was we were able to see David and Alyssa and their new addition to the family, Zachary.

Since April began we had family in town the first week and then House-sat the next two weeks. During this time I went back to school to get a Master of Arts in Organizational Leadership. First class in about 7 months and I must say I hate school.

I do not enjoy doing papers again that is for sure. It has kind of thrown Ashley and I's whole routine off a bit. I can no longer just come home and hang out, because I have to come home, eat dinner, and then work on homework. The main reason I am going back to school is because it is free. I have to take advantage of that right?

This brings up the question, would you do anything just because it is free? Is there anything in your life that you choose to do, and would otherwise not do, just because it is free?

I hope to post more frequently. My class ends this week and I have a month off. :)

Busy, Busy, Busy

I started up school this month and my free time has been taken over by reading textbooks again. Why I am going back to school? It is Free! I will try to post soon. Sorry for the long break.

Paralyzed By Shame

Our Pastor spoke about Shame this morning and it really challenged me. Shame can be paralyzing. Shame is not the same as guilt. Guilt is a feeling after you have done something wrong. Shame is the feeling that there is something fundamentally wrong with me. What causes Shame? My pastor was saying that Shame comes from the Human need to feel valued. We should feel valued by God and find our worth in God, but more often than not, this is not the case in our lives. Our value comes from our Job, our appearance, our talents, and our friends and family. If any of these areas fail, our lives become shattered, and our sense of value begins to crumble.

A lot of my value comes from wanting to please those closest to me. I am afraid of failure. I want to please those around me and so in my quest for perfection I am scared to take risks. I do not want to take the wrong job, because I do not want to disappoint or make the wrong decision. I settle for good enough, in order to maintain my value. My inadequacies force me to try to earn value in other areas of my life. Fear of failing keeps me paralyzed, as I seek to please people. I need to know that someone needs me, or that I matter to someone, in order feel my worth.

Sure these feelings sound ridiculous, but we all feel inadequate, or below other people's standard. We allow those standards to paralyze us from really living. The truth is that we will never match up to these expectations, and that our sense of value will never be fulfilled. We are going to fail in some way at our job, in our marriage, and with our family.

Living without shame comes with a realization that God is our Redeemer and restorer. We are not perfect, but God has already made up for our imperfection. We are all sinners, but we all can be restored by God.

The Road to Restoration includes living lives free from Shame and finding value in the love of God. I am not trying to simplify life, because living without shame is not easy, but I desire to fully accept God's love for me. I need to be satisfied with that alone.